Decisions decisions...

I've been very stressed over what direction to take my life, what path I should be on. I always assumed that I would go on and further my education after I graduated with my bachelors in Chemistry. Honestly, I wanted to do something along the lines of environmental chemistry research. I loved, and still do, reading and learning as much as I can about the effects humans have on the environment. My plans took a back seat when I found out I was pregnant, unexpectedly. Although she was unplanned, she was not unwanted. I was overjoyed to be pregnant and I can say the same for my husband, then boyfriend at the time. We were determined to make it work.

I was only out of college a few months when I found out I was pregnant. I did go on a few interviews for chemistry research positions but none of them seemed too thrilled that I was pregnant, especially since there can be a lot of things to stay away from in a chemistry lab while your pregnant. Coming in as a new employee and with very little experience, you can see why I wasn't a top pick. So I stayed with my job as a waitress up until we had the baby. My husband was just working as an undergraduate research assistant at the time so we knew we would not be able to afford daycare, to be honest I wasn't to crazy about the idea anyway. The whole time I was preparing for our daughter to be born I was going crazy trying to decide what to do in regards to school. What was I going to do for a career? I had worked so hard in school and it felt like I was wasting it by not going out and actually doing something with it.

My husband and I talked about the topic quite a bit, he too was also interested in going to graduate school. The two of us in graduate school? both having a demanding schedule? how was Autumn supposed to fit into this scenario? The schools I initially wanted to go to were very far away, I'm talking about Alaska. Since Autumn was way more important than any job I would ever have I decided to choose a schooling program that would allow me to stay at home with her and base my school hours around her needs. There are not many programs out there like that!

The combination of me having a love of chemistry and helping kids made me start to consider teaching. I had the privilege of having an amazing chemistry teacher help me out when I was younger. This really struck me as a great path for me, great hours for being a parent and I get to do something I love. Everything went great getting into the school I wanted and even finishing up all of my classes for certification. Now here is my dillema...

I've been home with Autumn for almost 3 years, I can't believe she is almost 3!! Now I have my son who is only 7 months old. I have been in this part time program for 2 years and I'm just about done, I'll have my Secondary Chemistry Post-Bac Certification/MS in Teaching, Learning, and Curriculum as soon as I finish these last MS class electives. It seems silly but I just feel more compelled to spend time with my children than to put the time into finishing my degree. I'm going to push through and finish because I've already come so far, I just don't see myself using it at all right now.

When I left work to have my daughter I didn't know how I would survive not working, I couldn't even see myself as a stay at home mom. Now three years later I can't see myself as anything else. I do eventually want to work when my kids are ready for school, but that just seems like so far away. I know a lot of my friends (those without kids) think I just sit at home and lay on the couch but that is far from what I actually do. I feel like I'm doing one of the hardest jobs in the world and even though I don't get paid any monetary amount the time that I get to spend with my children is worth so much more than that.

Passing on the love of science... =)